Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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