capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
