he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
