and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
