He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
