What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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