i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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