Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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