I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
