i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would ride that face into the sunset
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
