He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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