so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
