he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
