so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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