Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
