You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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