Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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