You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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