Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
