This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
