Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
