The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
