At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
