: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
