I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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