The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
