My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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