Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
