I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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