apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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