Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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