sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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