theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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