the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
