You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
