apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
