are you so shy because you have an std?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
