he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
