Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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