they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
