i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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