He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
