Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
