I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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