Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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