At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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