Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
