Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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