Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
4 words: hood of his car
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
