we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I could fuck to npr.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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