He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
