i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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