Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
