I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
