your thong is hanging out like whoa
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
